August 26th 14 · 276,993 notes
Relax. You will become an adult. You will figure out your career. You will find someone who loves you. You have a whole lifetime; time takes time. The only way to fail at life is to abstain. (via seascaped)

(Source: wordsthat-speak, via try-to-stay-positive)

August 25th 14 · 115,248 notes

heckacute:

I’m sorry I can’t come to the phone right now. I’m busy cutting open Fruit Gushers and squeezing all of the goo into a glass so I can take a shot of it because that has always been a dream of mine and now that I’m an adult with a job, I finally have the means to make it a reality. Please leave your name and number after the beep. 

(via femaletanner)

August 25th 14 · 25,152 notes

monobeartheater:

the stars on the american flag are actually asterisks for all the restrictions on the freedom it boasts

(via femaletanner)

August 25th 14 · 72,191 notes

seabelle:

I can’t stand these fucking people with these fucking family window stickers on their cars a murderer is gonna come into your fucking house and you’re gonna try to hide your kids in the fucking closet and he’s gonna be like naw bitch I saw your fucking mini van I know you have six more kids where are they

(via femaletanner)

August 25th 14 · 393,648 notes

funnuraba:

SHOUTOUT TO CATS FOR GETTING THEIR CLAWS STUCK IN THINGS AND THEN WHEN YOU HELP THEY GET OFFENDED THAT YOU TOUCHED THEIR PAW

(via femaletanner)

August 25th 14 · 496,815 notes

bombing:

fun drinking game: take a shot of water every couple hours to make sure you’re healthy and hydrated

(via femaletanner)